Jennifer Lutz? Present.

June 22, 2017

“Hey, do you still have your gym membership?”

 

I retracted a bit at the question answering an apprehensive, “No.”

 

“Oh, I was going to ask if you wanted to work out with me this summer,” replied my friend…my same friend who has asked me that very question last summer and a few times before that too.

 

Pause. Brain cells firing at 200mph. Do I say yes? I really want this. I want to get back to the gym. What do I do?

 

After my brain stutter I said, “I’ll sign back up.” And the next day, I was once again a member at a gym.

 

I had been given a life “YES” moment. YES, going to the gym had been on my mind. But I couldn’t bring myself to do it until right NOW. Every part of me felt pulled to do it, and so I did.

 

 

While every cell in my body thought that signing up was a great idea, it did NOT think that working out was.

 

I felt weak and out of shape. My muscles were pulling and tightening, preventing me from moving the way I remembered I could. Physical restrictions turned into negative emotions. I was discouraged and ashamed.

 

After getting through one of our first workouts, my friend and I sat stretching on the floor. I said, “You know…I think I’m going to blog about this.”

 

“Oh yeah?”

 

“Yeah. This is hard…being here. I don’t love how I’m feeling right now. I feel out of integrity. I’m a certified trainer and health coach, yet here I am struggling. Like, embarrassed to be seen.”

 

Nodding her head yes in understanding, she added, “It’s hard too when you’re overweight and feel like you’re being judged when being here is what changes that.”

 

It was my turn to nod in agreement.

 

We looked around the gym together. It was pretty empty. There was one person on a treadmill, one person lifting free-weights and one other person using a few machines.

 

And there we were, sitting there together. Vulnerable. Tired. But present.

 

“Tomorrow?” she asked.

 

“You bet.”

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